This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
