foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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