I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
