I hate all girls vehemently.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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