I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
