he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
