Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
oh god the rape fog is back!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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