i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
