$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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