Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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