babies were throwing up all over the place
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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