oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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