Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
