I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
