if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
