They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
