I wannas sexs uuuuu
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
