So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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