I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
