I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
