I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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