I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i think i just lost a toe
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
