I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
