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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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