The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
