Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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