So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
