btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
