We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So much rum. So many feels.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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