you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
