AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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