I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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