i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
me + whiskey = a bad person
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
