i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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