people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
People in love make me want to vomit
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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