I just gift wrapped bread.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Pooping to opera.
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