He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
