I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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