Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
