it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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