i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
