Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
