I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
whose parrot is this?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
