she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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