I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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