i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Pants are for mortals
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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