I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize