im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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