we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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