i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
