its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
