I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
