My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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