I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
