YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
