I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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