i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
