New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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