pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The uberlube is also flammable
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
