When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
