I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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