Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
foreskin is a definite game changer
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
