i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
