i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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